“Can I Keep You”
A/N: Warning. This is smut. M/M implied. If you don't know what the hell's that means, it means two men intends to shag one another. Don't like it? Then go away. Unbetaed, errors are mine alone.
Main Pair: Byakuya Kuchiki/Renji Abarai
Genre: Romance, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M for future chapters, MultiChapters
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach nor making profit from it.
Rumors said Renji Abarai is somewhere in the real world.
That's what they told him, and he believed it. Byakuya Kuchiki was on the verge of despair he would believe anything people would tell him.
A childish act, thought of many, and absurd, but Byakuya doesn't care. If this childish, selfish act alone is the only way to lead him to his lover, then be damn who gets in his way.
There is a possibility for the former lieutenant to stay where Carrot-head and their band of infamous Ryoka Gang lives. However, that was twenty-five years ago, twenty-four years, eight months, two weeks and three days to be exact, and Ichigo Kurosaki is now living with his loving wife Rukia.
So no. Rumors can be wrong. Furthermore, Renji has no reason to go where nobody knows him personally. Even the one he called "their gang". Or that shop of Urahara and that damn feline, Renji would never waste his time apart from occasional visits once in six months or while in a recon mission.
Wait. What mission. There is no mission. Sosuke Aizen imprisoned, Xcution disbanded, and Gotei sucked themselves to boredom because of that. If there's a new breed of Hordes Renji Abarai doesn't have to execute the mission alone or with the company he chooses. Renji Abarai orders the mission, pass to his subordinates, who, when, where, fuck the why. Abarai-Taicho gave up his raw nature years ago. Maturity, leadership, patience - that is Renji, his utmost obsession, so there's no way he'd leave Seretei, his friends, his family...
What about love...
No. Renji would never leave on purpose. He will never...
But he did. And he must.
Because he's dead.
Byakuya raised his head and watched the Seikeimon gate to open. He sighed deeply and stepped inside, leaving the gate closing behind him.
***
The sun had set an hour ago when Yorouichi sat at the park. Her golden eyes closed, both hands - paws - joined, head straight, ears jolted now and then. In a few minutes, a man will appear somewhere behind her, wearing a serene face but with eyes of hundred emotions. Yorouichi knew Byakuya wouldn’t be surprise if she, an old rival-slash-friend, greets him along the way, familiar with each other. Yorouichi would banter nonsense, while Byakuya walks straight ahead, pretending nothing happens.
However, this very day was different. No nonsense needed. Her childhood friend was in pain. Her cheerful persona would be her last remnant for his choking ache. Byakuya has changed, his emotion shows, no more hiding. She saw it with her two golden eyes how the infamous Kuchiki screamed in agony each time the recollection slapped his face. Should not for the tale of a monkey had finally reached the moon this could be a parody for the feline woman.
But Byakuya was broken, and she never saw him broken before, even after the death of his mother, his father... his wife. Loosing Renji was the transcendental of all, it shattered the inner wall of one of the most prideful man she has ever known. Byakuya became humane, as human definition would allow it. He became aware of things, breathing or not. He smiles a lot - thinly but enough to call it like that. He cares. He concerns. He speaks in sentences even an idiot could understand. All of these had happened because of one man. But the man was gone for more than twenty years. And that man was the reason why Byakuya is here.
She started to walk, her soft paws deepened to the grass as she strides, Byakuya behind her. The two of them stroll in silence. The noble wanted it that way, and Yorouichi gave him that.
Half an hour later they'd finally arrived at Urahara's shop. The blond man was already at the door smiling as they appeared by the steps. There are no words in exchange. Only gestures of respect.
The interior of the shop was like an alphabet inside Byakuya's head. Urahara let him find the spot where they used to gather around when special occasions arises. It was Byakuya's birthday when this room been used. Funny and Urahara couldn't believe it until now, as someone the likes of a Kuchiki and his pedigree, could sit here and allowed himself to be surrounded by people opposite of his caliber. That was good times, Kisuke thought happily, the time he saw changes in the life of a stubborn man. Now as he saw Byakuya again, sitting in perfect seiza, head straight, eyes blank, a cold penetrating guilt passed through Urahara’s veins, though the fault would and never will be his.
Urahara stood up after they finished drinking tea, leaving the masquerading woman in a feline form and the remote nobleman who thought his sereness normal. The Shopkeeper disappeared, and then re-appeared after ten minutes. He nodded at Byakuya and Byakuya, who look so peaceful and contented – but obviously have a thousand bricks weighing on his shoulder and a phantom rusty blade piercing his chest, said without any pretense, "You found him."
It was not a question, Urahara noted, yet the blond man nodded.
"Take me to him."
Yorouichi turn to answer. "That would be impossible."
Byakuya glared hard at her. He did not come here to debate. He did not come here to know the difference between hopelessness and possible. He waited long enough. He had enough hearing "no" and "let go" for the last twenty-five years. All he wants is Renji to come home.
"You have forgotten one thing, my friend." Urahara ignored the blaring gaze of the noble - by raising a cup to his lips. He took a little sip, giving himself time to prepare to spill the words Byakuya waited to hear for many years.
"We cannot manipulate the cycle," he said finally. "It cannot be done. What you are asking cannot be done. You know the nature of the likes of us, about deaths. No one, not even the Soul King himself has power to it. Renji Abarai is dead. His soul is accounted to be reborn. And yes, he was reborn twenty years ago. He is alive. No. His soul was alive, but he is not Renji anymore. I admire your love and loyalty to him, but this has gone too far. Agnize his fate, including yours. Don't be selfish. He is human now and you're a shinigami. Even if he was destined to be one of us again, he will have to start from scratch. Face it Byakuya, he doesn't know you anymore! He doesn't know me, or her, or anybody! He doesn't know this place called Sereitei, either. Do you understand?"
Byakuya's face was impassive, and that worries Yorouichi. "That is why I brought you here," she said to him. "I know it sucks but..." she can't explain anymore. Let Urahara have the limelight.
"Go home, Byakuya," Urahara said softly, concern. "I've heard Rukia bore a son. She needs guidance now than--"
"Where can I find him, this human?" Byakuya cut him off. The truth turned him deft. Perhaps it will turn him blind too until ‘yes’ goes with his will.
Urahara and Yorouichi looked at each other. No doubt, Byakuya Kuchiki was as stubborn as before.
That, or Kisuke has spoken the wrong sentences right from the start.
"Fine." Yorouichi stood up. "I'll take you to him."
Urahara, wide eyes, also stood up. "What?" He pulled Yorouichi into the corner. "Are you out of your mind?"
"No," she said. "I'm not gonna stand here and wait until he turn himself into a nutcase. I'm gonna lay it out for him one by one until sanity took its place."
"He turned himself into a nutcase long time ago and you're just gonna lay out the reason why so, that's for sure. Or how about let us sit ourselves here and start all over again without you cracking his head."
"It's too late for him, is that what you're saying?"
"I'm saying you're making things worse."
She patted Urahara's hand. "Don't worry. He'll come around."
"Twenty-five years?"
"I know what I'm doing, Kisuke. Trust me on this." She turned to Byakuya. "Ready when you are."
Byakuya walk past them, straight out of the door.
"Bit of a hurry, eh?" Yorouichi snorted.
"Next time it'll be Plan B," whispered Urahara as he stares at the Sixth Division insignia dwarfing away.
Yoruichi quip a brow. "Plan B?"
"Smack his head...or yours."
Yourouichi laughed. "You're cute when you concern."
"Oh shut up, Yorouichi."
***
Somewhere in the Real World...
Sitting in the same spot above the building for four hours, Byakuya and the feline form of Yoruichi was like a goddamn owl scuppering for a prey. Bored, Yorouichi did take a nap, licked her fur after that, checked the perimeters to see if there's a familiar face among the few people mudding the street, there's none, she returned to the rooftop and snooze again. She had woken few minutes later and was about to lick her fur, but realized it would be stupid to do it all over again, so she sat next to the noble.
"You can talk to him...in dream, that is,” she said to Byakuya, who'd done his own part for four hours – looking straight at nothing. “Mind off the sudden freak out, though." She snorted.
Byakuya lifted his eyes at her, glaring. "He's a human.”
"Really? Now wait, did I just told you that for the umpteenth time?"
"What was his name?" Byakuya ignored the Yorouichi's sarcasm. That, or he was just tired hearing it for the last 100 freaking years.
Yorouichi glanced up at the sky for a while, thinking, then back at Byakuya again.
"Tori. Tori Yomisato." Her smile bear proudly. She didn't become the captain of the Second Squad for nothing. "And... yeah, his face didn't change." She knew what was the question Byakuya would ask next. "And that is rare."
"How many times have you seen him?"
"Twice... or thrice if you include now."
"Hm?"
She lifted her paws and pointed towards the young man wearing a black jacket, walking against the tides of people. "That's him."
Byakuya's eyes began to wide. It was Renji. He really does look the same, Byakuya thought, but at the same time... different.
The man's hair was short, just above his shoulder, and the red was gone. Renji's silken long hair was bright crimson. This man was a Brunette, and what an awkward feeling to see his long lost lover without tattoos, but the airy character, Byakuya noted, didn't change. Same old Renji. And from that fact, Byakuya felt a twinge from his heart.
"So... " Yorouichi started. "What're you going to do?"
Byakuya did not answer. He just watched.
"He cannot feel us." Yorouichi sighed.
Stating the obvious, Byakuya was annoyed now. He started to move.
"What are you doing? Don't tell me you're going to...ah shit!" She jumped off of the roof and rushed towards Byakuya. Plan B, Plan B, Plan B!
Byakuya followed the man, and Yorouichi, in a cat form, followed him.
Few strides later, turned here and there, alone in the alley, he stopped. The man turned around, and Byakuya felt dread for the second time, just for seeing his lover up close. The first time he felt this way was when Renji died in his arms.
"Hello there." The man smiled, looking where Byakuya stood.
The noble took few steps back. Was it possible...
"Come here, kitty."
Yorouichi was caught off guard. "Meow?" She could have said "shit", but she's a cat so... fuck it.
"Hi there, little one. You lost?"
Byakuya blinked, saw the man walked passed him, kneeled beside the startled Yoruichi, and then carefully patted her dark gray head.
Seeing the man's lips smiled, Byakuya couldn't help himself mentioning his lover's name. Renji?
The man froze, and Byakuya hitched a breath, as those same brown eyes lifted towards him.
Tori stood up, glanced around. He looked back at the cat, which by now gone, scared away. The wind blew suddenly, forcing himself to pull his jacket up to his chin. "Damn it's cold," he murmured and started to walk away.
Byakuya followed him with his eyes, Yorouichi standing beside him.
"No he's not," she replied to Byakuya's silent query. "Because he can't."
I'm not going to lose him again. "Take me to Urahara," Byakuya demanded, still looking at who to him seems Renji.
"Why? So you can hear the truth all over again," Yoruichi said with a smug.
"No." Byakuya turned to face her. "I need a Gigai."
Yoruichi twitched a brow - if she had one. "Excuse me you what? Don't tell me you're gonna follow him around like a desperate pup or... wait, are you?" She saw Byakuya's gaze didn't falter, watching Tori disappeared along the curb of the road. "Shit, you are serious."
Byakuya sighed. For twenty-five years, why wouldn't I be, he thought.
***
Coffee Shop, somewhere in the Real World. Two days later...
"Yorouichi, do me a favor, and get down from the table."
Yorouichi lifted her head from the bowl. "Why?" She looked about. "Nobody's complaining."
"I do."
"Oh shut up and drink your coffee." She hopped to the next chair. "You're the one who has this idea, anyway. Now give the bowl, make yourself useful."
Byakuya sighed and handed her the milk. "I told you, I can do this by myself."
"Really. From what I witnessed the other day, I don't think so."
"Oh that's right I forgot, you used to poke your nose in somebody's business."
"Since your mellonhead swell ten times, yeah I have no choice but to do it again."
Byakuya leaned back to the chair. "I hate you, you know."
"Been there. Try another one." She ducked her head to the bowl. "So..." She started again, licking the side of her mouth, "what's it gonna be?"
"About what?"
"You know, plan?"
"I don't know."
She snorted. "Well that's comforting. Want some piece of advice from your nemesis? We take a ten foot pole, whack this man out and see what happens. If he saw an angel, that's our cue, we go back and wait for him there, see if it works. If not, then we do it again. If not...well, I think you get the picture."
She glanced back at Byakuya when she noticed her friend straightened a posture. "Eh?" She looked over her shoulder and there, she knew why. "Here he comes... what are you doing?" she asked as she saw Byakuya somewhat raking his hair. "Oh now what are you doing," she asked again when Byakuya started to move.
"I want to see him."
"You're seeing him now."
Byakuya glared at her.
"What?” Yorouichi said. “What are you going to do, introduce yourself, say you're his lover? We don't even know if he's a homo... nevermind!" she said at length when Byakuya gave him another knowing look. "You said you wanted to see him and we already did, starting two days ago. I'd granted your wish. It's your turn. So let's go. NOW!"
Byakuya winced at the later. It's sounding more like a loud 'meow'. "I change my mind.”
"What? Oh no, you don't!” Yorouichi jumped to the table. “Look at him, Byakuya! Does that look he remembered you at all? He has no idea who you are and why you are arguing with a cat. We must leave now before - yay!” She screeched, Tori was standing beside her right now.
"Is this your cat?" Tori said. Byakuya froze.
"For god's sake, Byakuya, answer the question. And would you please close your mouth," Yorouichi said from the side of her mouth.
Byakuya blinked and remembered how to breath. "Yes." He smiled. "Yes...um...she's mine."
"Oh." Tori smiled back. It was not the same like Renji's wolfish grin when he was amazed. "I found a cat the other day, you know, look exactly like her. Well, cats do look the same sometimes... must be mistaken."
"Do... do you like cats?"
Yorouichi glared at Byakuya. She doesn’t like that question. "Oh no you d - umph!"
Grabbing her mouth, Byakuya picked Yorouichi in his arms and cradled her. "I'm sorry. She whines at times."
Tori laughed a little. "I love cats, but I have a dog. I know, weird, huh?" Suddenly he felt awkward. "Well... I must get going, sorry to disturbed you."
"I don't mind..." Byakuya bit his lower lip, nanoseconds of reminder flashed inside his head. "I mean... coffee?"
"Thank you but I have to go."
"Oh."
It doesn't take a genius to know if Byakuya was disappointed from the last note or what. Or perhaps Tori was not that kind of a man. "Perhaps some other time," he said. "You're new in town, aren't you? I never saw you before."
"Yes...yes, I guess I am."
"Well, welcome to our town." Tori started to walk away. "See you around, Mister...?"
"Byakuya. Just Byakuya."
"Byakuya." Tori frowned a little. Then he smiled. "Nice meeting you." He took a few steps back and held up his hand to meet the other. "Mine's Tori."
Byakuya stared at the hand and then caught himself with a jerk as he realized he took the staring far too long. Startled, he abruptly held up his right after Yorouichi whispered, “Tekishhend, yeh idiot!”
The touch made Byakuya shivered, and wondered when will he have more than that. Mentally shaken, he pulled away. "Likewise."
"Yeah." Tori gave his last smile and then walked away, leaving Byakuya with a slightly open mouth.
"Just Byakuya," Yorouichi said when Byakuya released her. "Now that's epic."
"He doesn't remember a thing..."
"Wow, you're smart. Can we go now?"
"Yorouichi?"
"What?"
"Find us a place to stay."
"Us? I'm not your goddamn tour guide, you brat!"
"I have no time to argue with you."
"Yeah and you should know better."
"I will not leave till he knows the truth."
Yorouichi cast him a glance. And when she saw Byakuya didn't give a budge, she walked away. "After this I'm soooo going to smack your head," she murmured.
***
Yoruichi, still in a cat form, stood by the door of the hotel room, watching Byakuya intently. "I'll come back tomorrow," she said, "and please, for the love of god, don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, okay? I may be your worst nightmare, but I'm still your friend. I don't want to see you ruin your life..."
Byakuya went straight to the balcony. He wanted to be alone. "Goodbye, Yoruichi."
"... I know, I know, you were different than before." Yoruichi strode across the plushed carpet and stood next to Byakuya. "You're assholeness disappeared, gone with the arrogance who invented it..."
Byakuya sighed. "Goodnight, Yoruichi."
"... remember last time, about a gazillion years ago? I think that was your birthday and Orihime baked you a cake. Well, hardly a cake, but who cares! You ate it anyway. And you look stupid when you blew the candle." She laughed wholeheartedly. "That's funny. Get it? Blow?"
"Yoruichi!"
"What? Oh!" She schooled her posture before she glanced up. "Anything else you need?"
"No tha--"
"Good. I'm leaving." She walked back inside and changed back to her true form.
Byakuya looked at her and shook his head. "Great mother of god, woman. Put some decent clothes!"
"As if this affects you."
"True. But it still hurts my eyes."
"Very funny." She laughed, placing her hand on her hips. "Laugh with me, will you?"
"Woman's naked body doesn't make me laugh. Now please, go away."
"Aw that hurts," she said, giggling. Then suddenly, she shifts into serious mode. "Are you sure you really want to do this?"
Byakuya turned away. He didn't reply. There are times it's hard to say yes when the truth had to be no.
"Folks back home will be looking for you."
"I know."
"They'll crucify you once they found out."
"I know."
"How about your division? Your captaincy? Your duty?"
"I know!"
"Your emotion is clouding your judgement. I don't want you to be like me, Bya-bo. Running away isn't the answer."
Byakuya whipped back. "I'm not running away. I've done my part, I sacrifice enough. Wasn't it hard to understand that the reason I'm here is because I want to take what's mine?"
"And the man you saw this afternoon, is he the answer?"
"Oh shut up, Yorouichi. Go to your room, or hide under the couch, or jump off the balcony, I don't care. Just... go away!"
Yorouichi sighed. "Okay." She sighed again. "I'll do my best to convince your pompous family that you're still..." she wiggled her head, "sane. And Sotaicho, too. He'll be pissed but... I think he'll understand." She snorted. "Or not."
She walked away, back into a cat form.
"Yorouichi?" Byakuya called before she could squeeze herself out of the window.
"Yeah?"
“And thank you." Paused. "For everything."
If she didn't know him better, she might say 'fuck you too'. "No problem." She smiled. "See you tomorrow. Goodnight, Bya-bo."
Byakuya nodded in return. "Goodnight..." with that, Yoruichi was gone long before Byakuya could say, "... my friend."
TBC
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